I usually begin my yearly birthday posts by going back to the post from the previous year to see what highlights I picked out then, and to see in what ways my babies have changed. In the past, there have been numerous changes. New abilities. New interests. New hobbies. New character traits. But this year I was quite surprised to see just how much Ollie is still the same. And at first I wondered how this could be. He seems to have grown so much. But yet, at his core, he’s still very much the same person.
Initially I wondered if his constancy was a good thing. Did it indicate a lack of progress? Was he not developing as he should? Was he content to be stagnant? But the more I thought about it, the more I really believe that it’s a unique and wonderful thing. How many people can you honestly say aren’t affected by what is around them—popular culture, others’ interests or behaviors, music and/or tv, etc.—and merely stay who they are no matter what? I know that I’ve personally been affected by others many, many times. I know that I’ve tried to change who I am to fit some mold or role or expectation of who I was to be. But not Bubba. He just keeps on rolling as before. It really makes me so proud that he’s so content with who he is that he doesn’t seem to feel the need to change.
That’s not to say that he doesn’t find new things he’s interested in or want to join Lily in whatever she’s obsessed with at any given moment. Over the last year he has become a huge fan of Beanie Boos, Pokemon, Star Wars, and Minecraft because his sister was into them first. But I attribute that more to his adoration of his big sister. That boy wants nothing more than for his sister to want him around as much as he wants to be around her. Some days he gets lucky in this area, and somedays not so much. But he never stops trying to make himself her best friend. It doesn’t matter how many times she yells at him, or makes him cry, or pushes him away, he always comes back. Not that he’s a walking punching bag. He just seems to be able to know that underneath the sibling squabbling lies the coolest person in his life. And though she may huff and puff and roll her eyes when I tell her he just loves her so much, even she can’t resist his smile.
Ah, that little smile of his. Those full cheeks, and big, blue eyes, and dimpled, pointy chin combine into a perfect storm of cuteness that I dare anyone to resist. Bet you can’t. I know at least I can’t. And I’m pretty sure he knows this too, much to his benefit. Lily was always so damn clever and manipulative at his age, that I would give in sometimes just out of sheer amazement at her negotiation skills. I had to give her credit for her hard work, after all. But Ollie needn’t even go that far. He just needs to flash one of his smiles or sad, pleading looks, and I’m hard-pressed to say no. Of course I do say no sometimes, but it takes all my willpower not to give that little cutie everything he asks for and more.
Thankfully he doesn’t usually want much. He’s like any kid who wants a new toy anytime we enter Target, but he takes “no” fairly well when that’s the final answer. He’s an easy-going, easily pleased little guy. If he gets upset or angry, he’s usually over it within a few minutes, and then he’s back to whatever he was doing beforehand. He may still be very sensitive and easy to bruise emotionally, but at least he’s quick to forgive and forget. I’m thankful for that too because if he held a grudge every time he got upset, he’d be a perpetual grey cloud. But him, a grey cloud? Nope. No way. Thunder sometimes when he’s off-the-wall crazy and rambunctious. But never the rain on anyone’s parade. Always the rainbow.
And with this past year came the addition of school into his life. And with school, so many new people with so many different personalities. And also with school came less Mommy. And boy was it a task to get used to this at first—well, at least the Mommy part. He adjusted so well to meeting new kids. Kids who looked different than him, talked different than him, behaved different than him. And not once was this ever a problem for him. Bless his little heart, he never once asked me why most of his new friends had dark skin, or why some of them didn’t speak much English, or why some of them yelled or pouted, or talked back to the teachers. As long as they wanted to play Legos with him or build with Magnatiles (His FAVORITE things to do!), they were perfectly ok in his book. And if another student was disruptive or trying to get him to act out, he would just continue doing whatever he was doing, completely nonplussed and unconcerned with anyone else. Sometimes he’s just so damn good-natured, he’d let his friends squeeze the hell out of him with love or wrestle him to the ground with playing. And he’d just sit back and absorb it, and move on. Nothing seems to faze him.
Maybe he’s so good with his classmates because he knows what it is to feel something so strongly and to love so fiercely. He still showers me with hugs and kisses, and “I love You”s . It took him until about November before he would stop crying when I left his classroom each morning. He still makes me give him about a dozen hugs and kisses (no, seriously, I’m not exaggerating), but at least he lets me walk out looking at his smiling face instead of sobbing face. And I’m more than happy to oblige him in his need for affection because I think every child should have absolutely no doubt in their mind that they are the single most important thing in their parents’ lives. He certainly knows it, as does his sister.
And I suppose in a very selfish way, I’m also glad to know he still needs me as much as he once did, even if the need is different now. This is something that has taken me almost nine years of parenting to figure out. No matter how independent your children get, and how much they will do on their own and not ask your help with, they always need you. Always. They will never stop needing your love, attention, support, appreciation, lessons, structure, advice, interest, information, affection, worry, presence, communication, honesty, etc. And I saw this very clearly this year sending Ollie off to school. Sure, I’d pick him up and he’d be all smiles from having so much fun in school that day. But he always told me he was glad to see me, glad that I came back. And at first it struck me as odd and somewhat sad that he’d think otherwise, but I guess being in a new situation like that can bring out one’s fears in that way. But the fact that I kept coming back for him eventually led him to not worry so much anymore and to enjoy being with others. So even though he doesn’t need to hang on to me as much anymore, I think he needs my being there, and knowing I always will be. And that’s certainly something I can easily give him. Every day. For eternity.
And so I look forward to watching him over this next year. Watching him grow even more into a little man. Losing his baby soft roundness and cutesy voice. Watching him continue to not give two shits what anyone might think about his nail polish or pink stuffed animals. To continue coming up with crazy stories or building newer and more inventive towers, buildings, and worlds. To watching him make more and more sense of written words on paper, and to write stories of his own. To watching him run, and climb, and crash, and fall, and get back up again, and smile all awhile. And to be there to be his wrestling partner or to chase him up the stairs squealing as I tickle him to death. I look forward to watching any changes that may take place, but more so to watching him continue to be the sweet, self-assured, kind, easy-going little love bug he’s always been.
So, my Bubba, I wish you a most wonderful 5th birthday full of what you love best: smiles; practical jokes; Cheez-Its; annoying your sister; hugs and kisses; high-pitched squeals; big belly laughs; funny, made up songs; and lots of sweets. I love you, my little man, more than I have the ability to express. I hope you feel every day just how loved you are, and how much more wonderful our lives are because of you in it. We are so very lucky to be your family. And I wake each day thankful I’m your mom.